Who I am!

I am thinking about what happend last Monday. Which man walks down the street on a weekday dressed as a girl without sexual intentions, but acting like a normal girl? Not to pull attention from people, but to be in stealth. Without fear?
A man doesn't do this without a reason. Think of all the shame when someone will find out.
During my day out I kept asking myself: "What do I feel right now?" Actually nothing. Just happy, nothing special.
I wasn't dressed like a fetish crossdresser. Neither uber-femme. No skirt, no dress, no floral shirt. Just jeans, plain t-shirt and a cardigan vest. With a small shoulder bag and a backpack I looked like an average student girl.

Now I am starting to understand. I know who I am. Now I know 100% sure I AM a transsexual. What other reason do I have to do this? The magnitude of Genderdysphoria is forcing me to do this, despite the fear and shame.

Backfall

After a day of being a girl I get a fallback moment. What am I doing? What am I going to do with my life? I don't want to live a double life. I want to live a normal life like everyone else. I don't want to switch from male to female and back again. Getting back home and hiding things again.

I must be crazy. Why am I doing this? Help. S.O.S.

just a girl, gone for shopping in Amsterdam

just a girl, gone for shopping in Amsterdam
Originally uploaded by Calista :-)

What a lovely day, made only 2% of all the people confused. No dumb comments. Unfortunately I didn't found anything nice to buy in the center of Amsterdam.
However the market on Waterlooplein was great. A salesman was very nice to me and asked me if I wanted to try a dress in the fitting room.
I'm sitting here in De Bijenkorf.

Young bride

Young bride
Originally uploaded by Calista :-)

A bridal gown is the most feminin garment.

Cis-gendered

Some guys are so cis-gendered that they even don't want to carry a shopping basket. Can you believe that?

Train

I'm sitting in the train. It's late, dark and rainy. There are not much people here, some loud talking elderly Germans and there is an old guy sitting next to me who is reading gay porn. A magazine full with nude boys, hard p***ises and boy love. Hey stop looking at me, keep your eyes on your mag, you dirty old pervert.